'Machete Man' Contest: $900 Prize Purse For Best Captions

UPDATE: Winners announced here (09/11/13)

Enter your caption to win! GearJunkie, CamelBak, and Chill Expeditions have teamed to launch a sweepstakes to send a reader and a guest on an adventure “trip of a lifetime” to Costa Rica! As a part of the project, called “Off Grid & All Clear,” we’re running weekly gear giveaways and content.

To Enter:
1) Click the Facebook “LIKE” button above this sentence*
2) In the comments section below, enter your caption for this photo.
3) Enter as many captions as you want, just keep the quality high. (Be sure to include your name and email when you submit on the comments form below so we can contact the winners.)

*Note: If you have already “Liked” this on Facebook in the past (or if it appears grayed-out), you can skip this step above (step #1).

Prizes: The top three best captions will win a CamelBak All Clear water-purification bottle (value $99) as well as a $200+ prize package with a variety of “off grid” gear from GearJunkie.com. Total value = $300+ per winner!

(Go to our “Off Grid & All Clear” sweepstakes page to enter the main contest)

CamelBak All Clear bottle purifies water in 60 seconds at push of a button

Hint: For your caption, be fun, humorous, or real, but stay clean and don’t be crude. We’ll pick winners in one week, on Sept. 10, with the best, most interesting and/or funny answer to win. Three winners in all. Good luck!

—Go to our “Off Grid & All Clear” sweepstakes page to enter the main contest for a chance to win a trip for 2 to Costa Rica!

Posted by Clemente Oriciaga - 09/04/2013 10:37 AM

You shall not pass!!!

Posted by mike - 09/04/2013 10:41 AM


Posted by Cole - 09/04/2013 10:41 AM


Posted by Cole - 09/04/2013 10:47 AM


Posted by tiffany fong - 09/04/2013 10:47 AM

hello, my name is inigo montoya, you killed my plant, prepare to die!

Posted by mike - 09/04/2013 10:52 AM

let’s hug it out bro!

Posted by Jake C - 09/04/2013 10:58 AM

“Are you not entertained!?”

Posted by Ryan L - 09/04/2013 11:02 AM

Yucca Do It!

Posted by jon tallar - 09/04/2013 11:11 AM

I got to the root of our problems!

Posted by Pedro Kozlakowski - 09/04/2013 11:23 AM

“I have no idea what i’m doing”

Posted by Patrick Murray - 09/04/2013 12:56 PM

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Posted by Kevin - 09/04/2013 01:06 PM

You say Yucca, I say Machete!

Posted by Tim - 09/04/2013 01:50 PM

Who ordered the yucca with a side of badassery?

Posted by Neil - 09/04/2013 01:59 PM

The hillls are alive, with the sounds of machetes!

Posted by Brian Wood - 09/04/2013 01:59 PM

“All I need is this machete and this plant, and nothing else.”

Posted by Ed - 09/04/2013 02:17 PM

Veni Vici Tuber

Posted by Ed - 09/04/2013 02:18 PM

Yo Adrian we did it

Posted by Geoff Hardin - 09/04/2013 02:21 PM

“And they said it couldn’t be done with a machete.”

Posted by LYN MICHAEL - 09/04/2013 02:42 PM

All machete baby! No muscles required

Posted by Justin Campbell - 09/04/2013 03:54 PM

“I think I’ve found the root of the problem!”

Posted by Kevin - 09/04/2013 03:58 PM

They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our yuca!

Posted by Carl - 09/04/2013 04:15 PM

It’s all in the wrists baby!

Posted by Elly Craig - 09/04/2013 04:47 PM

A man with a machete doesn’t need a can of spaghetti!

Posted by klaw - 09/04/2013 06:09 PM

All your yuca are belong to us.

Posted by Mary Toleson - 09/04/2013 06:37 PM

Bear Grylls ? Pfffft, who’s that ?

Posted by Patrick Murray - 09/04/2013 06:44 PM

Machete don’t care. Machete don’t give a shit, it just cuts what it wants.

Posted by Jordan - 09/04/2013 07:27 PM

“I am all that is man”

Posted by Jordan - 09/04/2013 08:47 PM

“Yucc’in’me Crazy!”

Posted by Tim Bradshaw - 09/04/2013 09:20 PM

Best machete ever, cut these in no time, imagine how fast I would have been had I turned the blade around….

Posted by Tim Bradshaw - 09/04/2013 09:25 PM

Skipper, Ginger, Mary Ann, a little yuca wine and a midnight stroll around the lagoon?

Posted by Roger Morris - 09/04/2013 10:47 PM

And the wife said I could never survive a weekend without her !

Posted by Roger Morris - 09/04/2013 10:50 PM

Gardening ……. like a Man !

Posted by Mitch Young - 09/05/2013 05:56 AM

Look, mom. Bananas!

Posted by tony - 09/05/2013 08:15 AM

There can be only one… wait no six!

Posted by tony - 09/05/2013 08:20 AM

Yuker? I hardly know her!

Posted by tony - 09/05/2013 08:24 AM

It’s ok, i’m just drunk!

Posted by Kelly McBride - 09/05/2013 11:24 AM

Machete, Food, Slamm’n hat… Apocalypse, bring it.

Posted by Peter Gilliland - 09/05/2013 11:24 AM

I can kill this with one whack!

Posted by Jon - 09/05/2013 11:25 AM

DAY OH!!! Day light come and me choppa real good.

Posted by David Little - 09/05/2013 11:26 AM

I love pruning season! It reminds me of VICTORY!

Posted by Ethan Thompson - 09/05/2013 11:27 AM


Posted by Douglas Hepburn - 09/05/2013 11:30 AM

Of course am gonna mix my rum with these !!

Posted by Ryan L - 09/05/2013 11:32 AM

So much of my authority is derived from the power right here.

Posted by Chris fitzpatrick - 09/05/2013 11:34 AM

Danny trejo ain’t got nothing on me. I AM THE REAL MACHETE!

Posted by Tim Rice - 09/05/2013 11:36 AM

Toe Crop, there is a reason for that when done with a machete!

Posted by Ryan L - 09/05/2013 11:37 AM

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, to gaze upon my conquering machete.

Posted by John Faria - 09/05/2013 11:58 AM

“Argghhh, who wants a haircut!?”

Posted by aluter - 09/05/2013 12:03 PM

worst. bris. ever.

Posted by John Faria - 09/05/2013 12:08 PM

“Who needs a machete!? My ugly hat would make anything jump off a tree to their death.”

Posted by No-pedals Jim - 09/05/2013 12:37 PM

For my next trick I will need twelve yuccas, shirt sleeves, and a volunteer’s hand!

Posted by Sarah Z. - 09/05/2013 12:51 PM

“Everything we need is right here!” Costa Rica

Posted by Kitty Baker - 09/05/2013 01:28 PM

ARHHHH! This is what will happen to your “Ischial Tuberosity’s”, if I find them sitting down on the job. ARH!

Posted by Kitty Baker - 09/05/2013 01:35 PM

Who’s the man with the machete in his hand? Might be a fan of the pale Yucca-tan. Never mind the pan, we’ll eat off the land!

Posted by Kitty Baker - 09/05/2013 01:53 PM

Welcome to my Plantain Plantation! Pull up a machete and we’ll feast!

Posted by Diagoras Vougas - 09/05/2013 02:00 PM

Honey i am home !!!

Posted by Diagoras Vougas - 09/05/2013 02:01 PM

who is your daddy ?

Posted by Terry Priest - 09/05/2013 02:55 PM

That Medusa wasn’t so tough after all!

Posted by Roger Morris - 09/06/2013 01:22 PM

Honey, I spruced up your garden for you.

Posted by Roger Morris - 09/06/2013 01:25 PM

I…Am… A… Provider !

Posted by Roger Morris - 09/06/2013 01:39 PM

And you said I didn’t have a green thumb.

Posted by Roger Morris - 09/06/2013 01:41 PM

Adventure ! I heard your call ! ! !

Posted by Jeremy C - 09/06/2013 04:06 PM

And then Yukon Cornelius said, “Don’t touch my beard!”

Posted by Jeremy C - 09/06/2013 04:16 PM

It’s apparent why Tom failed medical school when his charades word, “tubal ligation” was portrayed with a handful of tubers and a machete.

Posted by Mary Toleson - 09/07/2013 09:26 AM

The neighbors aren’t scared , baby. They’re just in awe !

Posted by Dawn Monroe - 09/07/2013 01:10 PM

Where are ya goin ladies?

Posted by Dawn Monroe - 09/07/2013 01:16 PM

Now thats “twerking”

Posted by Kitty Baker - 09/07/2013 04:58 PM

“But wait, there’s more. Tell them what they’ve won Pat! If you will wait a moment I’ll be getting you some fresh coconuts to go with these delicious plantain!”

Posted by Susan P. - 09/07/2013 10:32 PM

I am Machete Man! Hear me roar!

Posted by Franklin - 09/08/2013 02:08 AM

“Man, that was the most intense geocache ever!!”

Posted by Kelly McBride - 09/08/2013 08:18 AM

Seven of them went into the backyard . Only one made it back.

Posted by Jonas - 09/08/2013 10:03 AM

fire up the men-kitchen! HAARRR-ARR-ARR

Posted by Steven Timlick - 09/08/2013 10:18 PM

Give me yucca, or give me death!

Posted by Gareth Hughes - 09/09/2013 11:22 AM

5 dollar vasectomy come and get it!!!

Posted by Kiana - 09/09/2013 12:03 PM

It slices, it dices, but wait…there’s more!

Posted by Dan Human - 09/09/2013 12:19 PM

Critics called Bjorn a hack for his pitch to the Food Network for a Bear Grylls inspired cooking program.

Posted by Ed Shannon - 09/09/2013 12:26 PM

Me strong, pull out with bare hands. Machete is just to blind fools

Posted by Chris R - 09/09/2013 01:08 PM

Hello. My name is Ingearo Junkoya. You killed my garden. Prepare to die

Posted by klawrence - 09/09/2013 04:12 PM

All your yucca are belong to us

Posted by klawrence - 09/09/2013 04:15 PM

Say hello to my delicious friends!

Posted by Kelly McBride - 09/09/2013 05:55 PM

I only came out here to start the grill…. what the heck happened…… WHAT THE HECK HAPPENNNNED ??????

Posted by Tim Bradshaw - 09/09/2013 07:15 PM

I don’t eat root often, but when I do, I eat yucca….stay hungry my friends

Posted by Shauna - 09/09/2013 08:06 PM

Proof them Yeti exist, dude.
See these?! Them been pooping and hiding these turds here on my land!
Under. My. Plants!!! GAH!

Posted by Kitty Baker - 09/10/2013 12:54 PM

This is what you get when you soil your plants!

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