Tipple Take: What Your Beer Says About You

You can tell a lot about a person by the beer they choose.

It’s an amazing time to drink beer! Maybe not right this second (well actually, it probably is), but in general—this is the most beer-prolific epoch in U.S. history, with a post-Prohibition record of 3,040 breweries and growing.

The abundance of breweries and craft selections means nearly everyone in the U.S.A. knows something about their suds. And based on your pint preference, we probably know a little something about you, too.

Pabst Blue Ribbon

The glory days of Pabst Blue Ribbon, once the paragon of American beer, were all but dead 10 years ago. Enter the millennials and their love of all things retro and no longer cool, mix in some fixed-gear bicycles, and voila! You have resurrected the classic American brew! Mustache wax optional.

 Milwaukee’s Best

The marketing team at Milwaukee’s Best has a profound sense of humor. Consistently one of the most affordable domestic beers by the case, Milwaukee’s Best drinkers focus on quantity over quality to make their outdoor adventures the “besterest!”

Coors Light

Technology made navigating by the sun, stars and landmarks a lost art; in time, so too may the Coors Light blue mountain label (which uses thermochromatic ink to change color when the beer is cold) replace nature’s temperature gauge — any part of the human body. Coors drinkers love to explore the wide wonders of this great land, they just need high-tech gizmos to give them directions.

Sierra Nevada

Photo by Emilie Hitch

Lauded as one of America’s first craft breweries, Sierra Nevada rejuvenated the India Pale Ale for U.S. drinkers. This beer is for those who’ve ventured off the beaten path their whole lives; those who can tell due north from the echo of a hawk’s call off the sunny side of a box canyon or start a fire with nothing more than drift wood, their pen knife, and a boot lace.

Leinenkugel’s

Brewed by MillerCoors, Leinenkugel’s has the image of a craft brewer with the resources of a mega-company. It often incorporates fruit, chocolate and spices into its rotating lineups. With offerings like Sunset Wheat, Summer Shandy and Canoe Paddler, Leinie’s is the perfect choice if your summers involve lazing down a river in a tube with a cooler tied to your ankle, or if your winters are for kicking back in an ice house — with a cooler tied to your ankle, or if your autumns are for pitching a tent — with a cooler tied to your — you get the idea.

Michelob Ultra

This is the ultimate have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too beer, which is funny, because by drinking Michelob Ultra you’re no doubt fundamentally opposed to the mere concept of cake and any other food that could conceivably be served with sprinkles. Still, everyone’s got to have fun, right? And what better way to unwind after rollerblading up a sand dune and swimming with ankle weights than a nice, watery, soda-beer!

Surly

One of Minnesota’s premier craft breweries, Surly was largely responsible for ushering in a new era of craft brew appreciation in the state when it spearheaded passage of the “Surly Bill,” which allowed breweries to sell their beer on site (previously unlawful). Like brewmaster Todd Haug, guitarist from the ‘80s metal band Powermad, Surly fans pride themselves on being a bit intense. Take hardcore hoppy mainstays like Furious and Overrated, and the limited release, Fiery Hell (brewed with puya chiles), for example. Camping, fishing, snowboarding, canoeing — Surly fans are jacks of all trades. If it’s broken, duct tape it. If it’s bleeding, rub some dirt on it. If it’s stuck, bang it with your face. Extreme!

Corona

The top-selling imported beer in America, Corona is the ultimate I-wish-I-was-somewhere-else brew. Corona drinkers LOVE the outdoors and covet adventure — snorkeling with sea turtles in turquoise waters, foraging for sand dollars on a white-sand beach, lazing in a hammock strung between two palms… these are some of the many adventures they dream about during happy hour at Applebee’s.

Deschutes – Chainbreaker

Tucked along the Deschutes River in the foothills of the Cascades, Deschutes Brewery is a destination stop for adventurers about to tackle the whitewater, powder snow, and rutted trails of the mountains. Like the beer’s gritty, unusual character (a wheat-IPA brewed with sweet orange and coriander), Chainbreaker fans are an eclectic breed — friendly to all, but endearing mostly to those who appreciate the chipped teeth, crooked noses or missing fingertips that come from mountainboarding a near-vertical drop. Not that all Chainbreaker-drinkers are funny-looking; some of them have never polished a rock with their face… yet.

Oskar Blues Brewery

Oskar Blues Brewery pioneered the craft beer in a can movement. Cans protect flavor better, are much easier take off the beaten path, and require far less energy to recycle and transport. Oskar Blues is the clear winner for the outdoor enthusiast that doesn’t want to settle for the camel sweat wrung through a gym sock flavor. Dale’s Pale Ale has been the perfect choice for those who hike down a canyon, throw on some waders and fly fish with a backpack full of suds. With the brewery’s upcoming release of “Pinner,” an intentionally marijuana-themed IPA, Oskar is appealing to those who just want to stare at the campfire or look up at the stars and wonder if galaxies are just cosmic marshmallows… Mmm, marshmallows.

Adam Ruggiero
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Adam Ruggiero is the editor-in-chief of GearJunkie and a fan of virtually all sports and activities. From biking, running, and (not enough) surfing, to ball sports, camping, and cattle farming — if it's outside, it's worth doing. Adam graduated from the University of Minnesota with a BA in journalism. Likes: unique beer, dogs, stories. Like nots: neckties, escalators, manicured lawns.