These boots aren’t just made for walking. These boots will help you open beer bottles, too.
From time to time, brands swing for the fences in a way we never thought possible. They redefine the whole paradigm of a product category with a claim so head-scratchingly unique that we’re left wondering, “Is this a good idea?” And this week, Timberland solved a problem we didn’t know we had.
Meet the Direct Attach — from what we can tell, the world’s first “beerproof boot.”
Before we go further, we’d like to paraphrase Ian Malcolm, the skeptical mathematician from the movie “Jurassic Park”: “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, that they didn’t stop to think if they should.”
But darn it, Timberland has gone and done it. Thanks to a marriage of two iconic New England brands, you can now spill Samuel Adams all over your brand-new Timberland PRO boots and sweatshirt and not even bat an eye. Why? Because they’re beerproof, that’s why.
What’s more, the brands launched a whole beer-drinking collection.
Snark aside, these are real products, launching today, around a marketing campaign based on the premise that your current drinking boots just won’t cut it. And for that moxie, dear Timberland and Sam Adams, respect.
Here’s what we know so far.
Timberland x Samuel Adams Beer Drinkin’ Attire
The Timberland PRO x Samuel Adams Collection contains three products: the Timberland PRO x Samuel Adams Direct Attach Boots, a hoodie, and a T-shirt. Note that there are no pants in the collection. Thus, we must assume your current drinking pants will suffice. Either that or no pants, no problem! Your interpretation is as good as ours. Local laws do apply.
So, let’s start with the boots. According to the initial pitch, the Timberland PRO x Samuel Adams Direct Attach Boots have “beerproof technology.” To that, we scoffed and shot the brand an inquiry for more details. The facts, straight from Timberland:
- Waterproof leather with seam-sealed waterproof construction
- Electrical hazard protection
- Contoured shock-diffusion plate for structural support
- Anti-Fatigue Technology polyurethane footbed for shock absorption and energy return
- Padded top collar for comfort
- Breathable and moisture-wicking lining with antimicrobial treatment for odor control
- Direct-inject construction for durability
- Heat-, oil-, slip-, and abrasion-resistant, nonmarking rubber outsole
- 30-day comfort guarantee
Or, as the marketing team phrases it, “ready for any lively drinking session.” Each pair comes with a handy, co-branded bottle opener for cracking open a Sam Adams. Get a pair for $180.
Beyond the boots, you can get a hoodie with a durable, water-repellent — welcome, dribbles — double-sleeve graphics, and woven hem label branding. It’s comfy, cozy, not-bad looking and, of course, beerproof, for $75.
And finally, made of organic cotton, comes the Open-End Jersey shirt. Also with a durable water repellent, here’s a shirt for backyard bonfires, pool or beach parties, and cheering on your little ones at their soccer games.
The whole line is limited-edition. But in the meantime, get ’em while they’re hot to trot!
