This Shirt Comes Pre-Stained With (Fake) Blood, Sweat, Dirt: Vollebak Blood Salt and Dirt Camo Range

This Shirt Comes Pre-Stained With (Fake) Blood, Sweat, Dirt

Meet the shirt ‘designed for situations where you know you’re going to look like crap.’

This Shirt Comes Pre-Stained With (Fake) Blood, Sweat, Dirt: Vollebak Blood Salt and Dirt Camo Range

Good adventures come with cuts and bruises. Now, thanks to Vollebak’s line of faux blood, sweat, and muck-stained apparel, good adventures won’t ruin your clothes. They’ll just blend right in.

The Blood Salt & Dirt Camo range, launched today, incorporates splatter, ooze, and seep patterns with selected colors to disguise the fallout of a hard day outdoors. The line of lightweight, stretchy shirts tackles the Triple Crown of a day turned epic: sweat, dirt, and (occasionally) bleeding.

This Shirt Comes Pre-Stained With (Fake) Blood, Sweat, Dirt: Vollebak Blood Salt and Dirt Camo Range

Blood, Salt & Dirt Camo

The shirts use a poly blend with 22 percent elastane for breathability and stretch, and retail for about $80.

Three colors make up the line of pre-soiled apparel: Bloodied red, salt-stained grey, and mud-sputter camo.

This Shirt Comes Pre-Stained With (Fake) Blood, Sweat, Dirt: Vollebak Blood Salt and Dirt Camo Range

But to really complete the effect, Vollebak designed specific patterns for each, to mimic the way people bleed, sweat, and dirty their clothes.

As a result the product descriptions read like a forensics report.

“Fresh blood with maroon pools and spatters, with a paler seeping surround for dried-on stains.” Fun!

This Shirt Comes Pre-Stained With (Fake) Blood, Sweat, Dirt: Vollebak Blood Salt and Dirt Camo Range

Meanwhile, the sweat-marked shirt is a grey base with off-white markings in a marbled spider-web pattern. The effect looks surprisingly like an already filthy shirt.

This Shirt Comes Pre-Stained With (Fake) Blood, Sweat, Dirt: Vollebak Blood Salt and Dirt Camo Range

And, according to Vollebak, the mud-splashed camo shirt “makes washing optional.” Pseudo-wet brown stains randomly smudge the shirt with “dry flakes” speckling at an angle, like debris “spat up from your tires.”

This Shirt Comes Pre-Stained With (Fake) Blood, Sweat, Dirt: Vollebak Blood Salt and Dirt Camo Range

Vollebak, Pre-Camouflaged For Abuse

This is an odd but interesting idea. While we hate to ruin a good shirt with O-positive or back-lacquer, a lot of adventure clothing does wind up anointed with real blood, sweat, and tears — I mean dirt.

Now, if we could only get some clothes that already smell…

Adam Ruggiero
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Adam Ruggiero is the Editor In Chief of GearJunkie.

Adam has been covering daily news and writing about cycling, camping, hiking, and gear of all kinds for 15+ years. Prior to that, Adam lived in Hawaii and Puerto Rico, at which time he realized he’d never have a “normal job.” His pastimes — farming, bike racing, and fitness — provided a gateway to all manner of physical challenges and recreation outdoors.

Based in Kansas City, MO, Adam tests as much gear as he can get his hands, feet (and dog) into each and every day. As editor in chief, he works to maintain GearJunkie’s voice, style, and commitment to accurate and expert reporting across every category.