Breakfast burritos are a dietary staple we can all agree on, but the central ingredient has some competition for our culinary affection.
I gathered three leading solutions for ovarian cravings in the backwoods and compared them (using real eggs as my control) based on five factors: Flavor, Texture, Ease of Preparation, Price, and Portability.
I made each into a burrito with bacon bits, diced potatoes, and a sprinkling of cheese so everybody’s on a level playing field. Here are the results.
Backpacker’s Pantry Egg Mix — Overall Rating: ★★★ (out of 5)
Flavor: Yolky but real. ★★★
Texture: Slightly denser than cafeteria eggs. ★★★
Ease of Preparation: Measure. Mix. Cook low and slow. ★★★
Price: $1.15/egg. ★★
Portability: Powder in a pouch. ★★★★★
Mountain House Scrambled Eggs w/ Bacon (Precooked) — ★★★★
Flavor: Tastes a lot like eggs. ★★★★
Texture: Feels a lot like eggs. ★★★★
Ease of Preparation: Add boiling water. Wait. ★★★★★
Price: $1.99/egg. ★
Portability: It’s a self-contained meal in a pouch. ★★★★★
OvaEasy Egg Crystals — ★★
Flavor: This is very, very wrong. ★
Texture: Durable. Synthetic. ★
Ease of Preparation: Measure. Mix. Keep mixing. Give up and try to overlook the lumps. Cook like normal eggs. ★
Price: $.75/”egg”. ★★★
Portability: Crystals in a pouch. ★★★★★
Eggs (Real) — ★★★★
Flavor: Correct. ★★★★★
Texture: Correct. ★★★★★
Ease of Preparation: Break. Cook. Eat. ★★★
Price: $.12/egg. ★★★★★
Portability: Nope. ★
Ultimately, Mountain House Scrambled Eggs with Bacon (Precooked) scored the same as real eggs, making up for the price (and slightly less authentic flavor and texture) with portability and ease of preparation. If I’m at home, I’ll stick with real eggs; on the road, I’m reaching for Mountain House.
Backpacker’s Pantry Egg Mix is another solid option. It’s a little cheaper but, with a can of Bacos thrown into the cart as well, it comes out to cost about the same for a not quite as delicious product.
As for OvaEasy Egg Crystals… there’s really no good reason to ever eat this. Perhaps on a high-stakes bet or in a case of medium to severe starvation. But the reality is that it’s the egg version of astronaut ice cream and can make your stomach feel like a gremlin at an all-night buffet.