Honnold’s Monster Cams to Finger Packs: The Best April Fools’ Gags of 2020

Think big! Gear designers have some pretty incredible ideas. Too bad they don’t all become reality.

Happy April Fools’ Day to you! Now kick back and enjoy some of the most bombastic ideas brands came up with today to puzzle, perplex, and downright fool their followers.

Alex Honnold and Black Diamond Launch #21 Camalot C4

How to protect a huge off-width climb? Well, you could get creative and jam some logs in there, or, well, try out his enormous, ginormous cam from Black Diamond.

“When Honnold has a problem, we solve it,” said Kolin Powick, climbing category director for Black Diamond. Check out the video below.

So, should Black Diamond really make one? Learn more about the brand’s very real charity campaign and check out the biggest Camelot ever made here.

Finally, a Bike Hub With a Volume Nob

Industry Nine, which makes high-end hubs for mountain bikes, added a volume control! The brand calls it Hydra Frequency Adjust Ratchet Technology. And, of course, it even has Bluetooth so you can adjust it from your phone.

So now you can decide if you want to be quiet on the trail or tell everyone for miles around, “Here comes the send-iest mofo in town!”

You know you want to crank it up to 11. So stop by Industry Nine and grab yours today.

Kilian Jornet to Retire

You may think the renowned ultrarunner is in the prime of his career. But the pressure is just too much. According to this Instagram post, he’s ready to hang up his shoes and spend long days watching a bobber off the end of a dock.

View this post on Instagram

I’ve been racing for more than 15 years, and it has been a great pleasure to compete with so many athletes and form connections with people through the sport of trail running. I never imagined where it would take me, but it’s time to relax and take stock of things. It’s strange for people to think of me sitting at the end of the dock with my fishing pole, but it has been a welcome change. The fish don’t ask for selfies or expect me to break records, they just want to taste the worm at the end of the line, and that simplicity has been good for me after so many years of going as fast as possible. Thanks to all of you for the support during all this years. www.salomon.com

A post shared by Kilian Jornet (@kilianjornet) on Mar 31, 2020 at 10:19pm PDT

Roller Crocs: Crocs x Roces Skandal V.1 Skates

How can you make Crocs even cooler? Combine them with skates to result in what Crocs calls “Skandals.” Today, Crocs announced the Crocs x Roces Skandal V.1 Skates. As the brand puts it:

The Croslite footbed moulds to your foot for a custom fit with excellent arch support and the innovative reverse power-strap utilises the newest technology in anti heel-lift.

The Crocs X Roces airflow system uses the rider’s speed to draw the outside air into the ventilation pockets at the front of the skate and distribute it around the foot while the user is skating, effectively using the rider’s own speed to cool their feet. The faster you go, the cooler you get! (*We recommend you avoid speeds higher than 10mph between December and March in Northern Europe)

What about ankle support? The Croc-tech cuff button and reverse powerstrap work in harmony to prevent any ankle-fold. Croc’s team of orthotics experts ensured that the skate was developed with the perfect anatomical structure to spread all weight across the span of the foot, making a folded ankle virtually impossible. Science.

We can’t imagine a more fashionable way to get around town.

Ultralight Finger Packs

Pack-maker Granite Gear gives us a whole new way to backpack for the COVID-19 era. Check out the details of the smallest pack we’ve ever seen.

Meet the product you never knew your fingers needed. A product of pure genius inspired by shelter-in-place stir craze madness. Granite Gear presents Ultralight Finger Packs.

Are you living that virtual WFH life and tapping away on the keyboard all day long? Forget keeping snacks AT your fingertips, keep your snacks ON your fingertips. 4 episodes deep into Tiger King on Netflix and can’t take a break for food? Finger Packs. Headed for a walk and feel a rumbling in your stomach? Finger Packs. Wake up hungry in the middle of the night? Finger Packs.

Our Finger Packs hold up to 10 almonds or peanut M&Ms each. Just the little boost of energy your need to keep going. Each pack weighs less then a paperclip so you won’t experience any sort of finger fatigue. Fasten your Finger Pack securely to your finger with our patent-pending, fully adjustable finger belts.

Guerrilla Gravity Creates New Townhill Bike Category

Well, Guerrilla Gravity pretty much nailed it with this press release:

From the same team of Guerrilla Gravity mad scientists that brought you the four-bikes-in-one Modular Frame Platform comes the Municipal Haste, a category-defying townhill bike.

This made-in-Colorado frameset was born to party and encourages rowdy riding straight out of your front door. And if you’re saying to yourself, “This looks just like a Pedalhead with an old road bike group on it,” you should finish your drink and take another look, because that’s the only way you’ll be seeing double chainrings on this path-thrashin’ machine.

If you’ve ever eyed a loading dock drop or 6-stair gap on your way to the dive bar, the Municipal Haste is there as your own personal beer-pressure support system. Think of it as your own little shotgun-riding devil, pointing out every curb-cut huck or speed bump jump. Embrace every two-wheeled bad decision with gleeful abandon and an adolescent disregard for safety.

The Municipal Haste has some big shoes to fill given Guerrilla Gravity’s rich history of Secret Menu mutations made possible by various combinations of shocks, wheels, and Seatstay Tuning Kits on their Modular Frame Platform.

Learn more, or buy an actual bike, here.

Tifosi Optics ‘Smell-o-Vision’

Sunglasses manufacturer Tifosi today releases sunglasses with Sweat Activated Scents, or SAS. When you work out, your sweat will interact with specially designed rubber. The swelling of the rubber releases “aroma-generating chemicals derived from minified natural sources.” These, in turn, will drift to your nose, where you can enjoy lovely fragrance instead of the smell of your sweaty gym clothes.

Decked Pivots to Fitness Equipment

Decked is known for building burly drawers for pickup truck beds. But now it’s adjusting to market pressures of COVID-19 and building fitness equipment for your truck bed.

Yes, it looks a little silly. But you gotta get your swell on somehow.

Fountain of Youth Found on Superior Hiking Trail

Sure, lots of people would say that physical activity and fresh air — the good stuff found while hiking — keep you young and fit. But according to researchers at the Superior Hiking Trail, the health benefits of the trail go a lot further.

Several months into the study, researchers discovered a surprising cause of the age-defying results observed by SHT users: drinking beaver pond water. Described by one scientist as a veritable “Fountain of Youth” tonic, trail users have long enjoyed drinking water from beaver ponds along the SHT, which are a common source of hydration for users of the Trail’s 94 backcountry campsites.

‘We’ve always known enjoying the SHT kept people looking young and feeling great,” said Jo Swanson, SHTA trail development director. “But we never thought it was from drinking gallons of beaver pond water over the course of many years of trail use.”

So if you’re feeling the blahs, maybe find your nearest beaver pond for some hydration. But we may suggest filtering that water before drinking!

And This Gem From Our Hunt-Fish Editor

Yes, Butch is a male. And no, he didn’t actually have puppies!

Happy April Fools’ Day!