There’s an inherent irony in rewarding outdoor survival skills with a huge, metal bunker. But that’s the idea behind this wild publicity stunt/giveaway from Columbia.
The outdoor brand announced a contest on Wednesday to win a 40-foot off-grid bunker fully stocked with loads of “survival” gear, including footwear, tools, and “plenty of stuff needed for whatever comes next.” To become the proud owner of this doomsday-ready shipping container, you’ll need to submit a video to Columbia showing off your wilderness skills.
The chosen winner will then get the “Don’t Panic Room” bunker delivered directly to them.
In an announcement video, Columbia’s CEO poked fun at “tech bros” preparing for the end of the world by building self-sufficient bunkers. The real survivors, he said, won’t just have bunkers, but the skills to survive the apocalypse that many Americans now see as inevitable. According to some polls, roughly a third of people in the U.S. think the “world will end” within their lifetime.
“If the world does go to shit, Bitcoin will not keep you warm,” Columbia CEO Tim Boyle said in the announcement video. “The tech bros already have their bunkers. But they don’t have the skills to survive outdoors. Try starting a campfire with crypto, or fly fishing with microchips. Good luck with that.”
How To Enter The Contest
From now until November 24, Columbia will accept your video entries on Instagram or online at columbia.com/bunker. They’re looking for videos that illustrate the depth of your survival skills.
“Tracking, foraging, latrine digging, starting a fire with two rocks and a wet wool sock,” the brand said in a press release. “You’ll be judged on the quality of your survival skills, your adaptability and problem solving in the face of disaster, and good ol’ fashioned human creativity.”
The winner will be rewarded with the kind of end-times bunker that has become common among billionaires preparing for the worst. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, Open AI CEO Sam Altman, former PayPal CEO Peter Thiel, and “world’s richest man” Elon Musk — all of them have publicly discussed the construction of luxurious doomsday bunkers to protect themselves from the possibility of global catastrophe.
“As we all watch tech people building bunkers to hide from their own tech, we want to reward the real survivalists and outdoors people who appreciate what Mother Nature has to offer,” said Matt Sutton, head of marketing at Columbia Sportswear.
Inside The Bunker
Columbia designed the “Don’t Panic Room” to keep occupants equipped and warm during a worst-cast weather scenario, according to a press release. Judging by the photos, it looks comfy enough to satisfy just about anyone, if not quite a billionaire.
The space features a bunk bed, a small kitchen and dining area, bathroom, and even “a robotic dog named Rocky for companionship.” (I’m not sure how you’d want a robot around when SkyNet goes live, but what do I know?)
You’ll also have shelves stocked with more than supplies: A full Columbia section includes rows of canned jackets and gear “to be opened in case of emergency.” As seen in the Instagram video, the bunker includes Columbia jackets sealed in cans, along with waterproof shoes and other winter-ready gear that Columbia would probably like you to buy before the world ends.
If you do end up the winner of this bunker, I guess you’d better be a property owner, too. Otherwise, you’ll have to hope the apocalypse comes before the end of your lease.
You can read all the rules of this contest here.
