Ah, April 1. The day that brings a little levity to our mornings each year. We’ve rounded up our favorite brand and gear spoofs for us all to enjoy.
Kelty ‘Cheeky Dozen’ Camp Bench
Colorful, cuddly, and oh-so-sturdy, a good camp chair is a basecamp essential. And while plenty of one-person chairs, two-person loveseats, and even a three-person camp couch exist, Kelty has outdone itself with this piece of camp furniture — one for the whole family, whether you have five kids or 10!
On April 1, Kelty is proud to introduce its “Cheeky Dozen” Camp Bench, new for spring, and may we say, just in time for our staff-wide camping trip we’ve been planning!
The only con? You’ll get a camp chair for 12, but only two cupholders.
Roofnest Pup-Up Tent
Roofnest’s latest entry to the elevated tent market is a scaled-down version of the brand’s Sparrow pop-up rooftop tent. The luxed-out, 16-square-foot interior could accommodate one large, two medium, or three little good boys or girls if it existed.
Constructed using recycled chew toys (allegedly), the Pup-Up rooftop tent for dogs ($4,122 MSRP) takes relentless aim at the wallets of childless millennials everywhere. And before you go clutching pearls with sticker shock, understand that with Roofnest, you’re getting much more than just another pet tent, okay?
Included with this 60-pound, totally justifiable “investment”? One dog mattress, a food bowl, chew toy and doggy gear storage, a window awning, a mounting kit and, the pièce de résistance — one very old tennis ball.
So … why are you still here? Go on, git over to Roofnest and place your order so that you might revel in the knowledge that out of all the other 10-year REI members, you are the superior pet parent.
Orvis Human Bed
Let’s face it. $300 for a dog bed is a little insane. But to play devil’s advocate, really, can you put a price on your dog’s happiness? The same applies to humans — don’t suffer on an uncomfortable bed when you don’t have to.
Almost the inverse of what Roofnest is doing for pets, Orvis is doing for humans — solving the problem of ultimate comfort for all you pup parents. The new Orvis Huma-Rest is engineered and calibrated for the human body, made with orthopedic memory foam, a plush top, luxurious upholstery, and modular, packable features. For more than 40 years, Orvis has been making cozy dog beds.
And finally, you can enjoy them too.
Granite Gear x Kula Cloth Crown 3-P Pack
An interesting improvement on Granite Gear’s Crown 2 Pack, is Granite Gear’s Crown 3-P.
The backpack brand teamed up with pee-cloth maker Kula Cloth to create this Limited Edition “Go Where You Gotta Go” Crown 3-P Pack, made from reused Kulas and Granite Gear’s undyed fabric color, which reduces the pack’s water waste in the manufacturing process by 55%.
Why sew a pee cloth into a pack, you ask? Granite Gear’s 3-P means you can enjoy easy access to your pee cloth and maximize efficiency on the trail. “Simply relieve yourself, and then wipe on your pack!” explained the brand.
Each new Crown 3-P ClothPack is made of 53 antimicrobial Kulas and high-tenacity yarn, and testers have estimated that the pack holds 10x its weight in body fluid. Shop the new Granite Gear pack online today.
mountainFLOW Marijuana Bike Wash
Coming off the success of its Beer-Flavored Mustache Wax, launched on April 1 last year, mountainFLOW is proud to bring to market maybe its most innovative outdoor product yet — a bike wash with a little somethin’ special added.
mountainFLOW, a company known for its award-winning plant-based bike lube and wash, announced that it is launching a bike wash + degreaser line that contains marijuana.
“When consumers hear ‘Colorado’ and ‘plant-based,’ they assume that weed is involved, and now they’re 100% right,” wrote the brand. The new bike wash contains marijuana, specifically terpenes from cannabis and CBG, a CBD derivative. mountainFLOW partnered with Colorado Springs bike shop and CBD purveyor Twisted Spoke to hone in the formula.
Essentially, mountainFLOW’s 2-in-1 Bike Wash and Degreaser (which retails for $4.20) now also has the added benefit of mellowing out your bike.
Nikwax Diagnostic Waterproofing
Ever wonder when exactly you should retire your gear? Or, reapply your shell’s waterproofing? Nikwax came out swinging today with the perfect solution.
The new experiential Aqua Forensic Device (AFD) will “help customers identify their waterproofing needs” while providing retailers with an experiential draw (look for it in your nearest REI soon).
The mobile AFD provides 3D cameras, as well as water jet spray heads situated around the interior of the enclosed booth. The user enters wearing the gear they wish to test.
After using the touchscreen to enter information about their item, including type of gear, brand, and age, the booth selects the correct spray height and strength, performs a diagnostic spray, and poof! Results are instant, and the correct Nikwax products are then dispensed from the attached vending unit.
We don’t know about you, but this sounds like the diagnostic gear tool we all need.
Giant Loop Keg Kaddy Party Panniers
Giant Loop claims it “has responded to thousands of rider requests” with the introduction of its new Keg Kaddy Party Panniers. Pour yourself a frosty cold beverage from the tap at the end of every day’s adventure with the world’s first integrated solar-powered refrigeration system cooling a full-size 15.5-gallon keg kept fresh with carbon dioxide injection.
While we’re not sure how we feel about the 305 motorcycle add-on, it does sound nice to rock a propane barbecue grill. And the brand claims it even balances the weight for “optimal off-road performance and handling.”
The Keg Kaddy comes with Giant Loop logo tap handles, a built-in cup dispenser, and hot and cold storage to keep foods fresh for up to 5 days. And just in case any revelers indulge in “one too many,” a breathalyzer disables the motorcycle’s ignition system if the rider’s blood alcohol level exceeds legal limits.
For riders who want to party like it’s 1999, Giant Loop’s new Keg Kaddy Party Panniers (GL part #KKPP) are priced affordably at just $2,999.99, including solar panels, CO2 and propane tanks, and barbecue. BMW Motorcycle Owners Association members qualify for special pricing. Keg Kaddy Party Panniers are available exclusively at Giant-loop.com.
Pearl Izumi ‘The Pack’ Collection and Speedsuit
Pearl Izumi cycling apparel brand is making a venture into a highly competitive rising market — performance pet apparel. Today it launches ‘The Pack’ Collection, which includes a speedsuit, goggles, bike footwear, and various accessories for dogs.
The brand said it’s excited to broaden its scope and design gear for the canine community. The first piece in the collection is the canine speedsuit (pictured above), specifically designed to optimize the aerodynamics needed while riding co-pilot on their human’s back.
Sir Willie the wiener was the first athletic pooch to test the design, and he’s very excited to ride with his dad (pro cyclist Alexey Vermeulen) in his new kit. Look for availability in summer 2022.
From all of us at GearJunkie, Happy April Fools’ Day!